It's become too much of a problem. It's already sprawled too far out of my control, but at least I should try and minimize the damage. At the end of the day, it was all, essentially, my fault.
I'm tired of trying to be happy, of feeling this hurt, this remorse, of being so incredibly lonely every waking moment, of dreaming about the what-ifs, and having my own mind tell me it's just a flight of fancy. I can't even escape into my own head properly anymore. I don't even wake up to the hollowness. It's always there now, just gnawing away with every passing second.
I want those masks back. I want my barriers, my lies. I want to be able to look at somebody in the eye, and tell them that I've never been happier, that nothing could ever bring me down from this high. Forget me as I am now. I ventured too close to the sun. I wanted... I was an idiot. Just.
I just need to smile now.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
No comments:
Post a Comment