I can understand why she was upset. Honestly, I should have reined it in. But I just didn't feel right that night. Everything coming down at once, a deluge of misery. Can't really help anyone in my life. Can't really fix myself. I indulged too much, and I felt it all flooding in, overwhelming, and I just wanted to not feel that way for just a little while. Now I'm just an insensitive asshole to her, and I don't quite know how to go about fixing this.
Maybe this is for the best. Seeing her, spending time with her, it made me so happy, but the separation was devastating. The disappointment, the frustration. I don't know... I haven't seen or talked to her for a few days now, and while it feels like shit, I'm slowly numbing out. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but at least there are no severe lows recently. No heady highs either, but I guess I should get used to that. Just a constant low, but a familiar one.
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